July20, 2010

In my 37 years as a priest I have often dealt with the scrupulous conscience, particularly in the Sacrament of Penance. It is a difficult spiritual/psychological issue to deal with. Our seminary directors always gave us clear and precise ways of help the obssessively scupulous individual.

Recently I have been bothered by some thoughts that may be flirting with scrupulosity. Maybe this is so as I grow older and move closer to eternity. That means that sooner or later (and I hope it is later) I am going to die.

Here is what spiked my spiritual concerns. Recently as I was celebrating Mass, I carefully, as I always do, held the Sacred Host at the consecration of the Mass. Suddenly I wondered about the miracle of the Bleeding Host which happened centuries ago. Then I became concerned - have I ever celebrated Mass in a state of serious sin - I hope not!!! But have I!!! And if I did, what did that do to my soul? This is serious stuff, I am thinking. I shuddered at the very thoughts that I was having and how unworthy I am to stand at the altar and celebrate the Eucharist.

Every priest is unworthy. Vessels of clay, men called from among men, and sinful men at that, like the apostles, to celebrate from the rising of the sun to its setting these sacred mysteries.

Just before receiving Holy Comunion at Mass, the priest has a private communion prayer to recite in a low voice. It is his personal preparation. I have been given to also recite an Act of Contrition at that moment as well. My belief - an ancient one of the Church - is that if I have a serious sin my sincere Act of Contrition will deliver me from any perilous spiritual condition.

Priest of God, celebrate this Mass as it were your first Mass, your last Mass, your only Mass.

Pax et Bonum